Fizzy Lifting Drinks

Went to the drive-in on Saturday night to see Fantastic Four and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. Fantastic Four was predictably mundane, with mucho special effects and an anticlimactic storyline. Last week, the schedule was Charlie & the Chocolate Factory at 9pm, and another movie at 11pm, but I suspect that tons of people up and left after the first movie last week, so this week they put Charlie in the 11pm spot, thereby forcing people to sit through the first movie and spend more dough at the concession stand. At least the food was really cheap. We bought nachos, mozz. stix, onion rings, candy, more candy, and a drink all for $8. The management here really needs to learn how to rape their customers properly.

Now about Charlie & the Chocolate Factory: Johnny Depp is great, as are most of the supporting actors. The movie itself is WAY more creepy than the Gene Wilder version, and the creepiest thing is the unavoidable siomilarity between some of the personality traits of Willy Wonka and Michael Jackson. Whether by design or by coincidence, Johnny Depp's portrayal of Willy Wonka has been tainted by the real-life personality defects of Michael Jackson. Try as I might, I couldn't help but be freaked out by the similarities between Willy and the King of Pop.

I must say, however, that the character development of Augustus Gloop and Mike TV was darker and deeper than the original version of this movie.

Overall, I would say that going to the drive-in out in Hicksville USA is a big event on a Saturday night. And it's kind of like a tailgate party.

It's also really easy to bring in beer and pot...


Would you say that she's happier than a pig in shit?

I'm No Fucking Buddhist

Alright, I gotta respond to my boy Retro's post concerning the concept of fighting terrorism. I completely disagree that you cannot fight terrorism because it is a tactic, and not a defined group of people. Let's try and lay this out logically.

The USA is the World Police, right? You say it, I say it, we all know it. Like it or hate it, agree or disagree with this policy, but our military is dispersed around the world enforcing our brand of law. So let's take that basic premise and liken it to your local police force.

Nobody ridicules your local cops from using the phrase 'fighting crime'. Crime is not a defined act, just a catchall phrase that describes a huge variety of misdeeds. And just as those misdeeds can enumerated and described individually, so can the acts of terrorists be enumerated and described as terrorist acts. So if the notion of fighting terrorism is preposterous, so must be the notion of fighting crime.

Those who commit crime are also not a defined group of people. And of course we know not who they might be, or what crime they might commit, before it occurs. But that doesn't stop our local police from attempting to pre-empt criminal acts. Likewise, the inability of our World Police Force to define the exact group responsible for a given terrorist act should in no way dissuade them from attempting to pre-empt terrorist acts.

And when you local coppers pull you over, do you submit because you agree with their ideology? Do you stand in the street and start fires and throw rocks because they're butting into your life and your affairs? Does it really matter what you think? The distinct and sole purpose of local police is to enforce rules; To interject themselves into your personal affairs and enforce upon you the law, whether you dig it or not. You don't have to respect the police. You don't have to agree with what they say. But yer gonna do what they say or be swamped with physical trauma.So when we dispatch our World Police to other parts of the world where the local police have no control and genocide is the norm, it really doesn't matter whether they want the World Police there or not. It's completely irrelevant whether you or I or they believe our military should even BE the World Police. They're there, and you better fuckin' submit or be swamped with SERIOUS HURT.

And what about talking and reasoning with these undefinable 'criminals/terrorists'? What about changing your own practices and ideologies to appease those who so violently oppose you? If your local police used these methods, they'd be negotiating with murderers and crackheads and gang members and child molesters. Your local coppers would be having roundtable meetings to figure out what THEY did to turn these downtrodden innocents into criminals. We'd be looking for root causes while coddling people who've violated laws and committed violence upon others.

Yes, after arrests are made, I too believe in providing help to people who would like to 'reform' and become a civil member of society. And yes, there may be root causes which could compel somebody to turn from regular to criminal. But the bottom line is still this: Break law, cop put you in jail.

Why is it so difficult for those haters here in our own country to grasp the concept that is equally simple: Shoot at American Soldier, you get killed. Our soldiers are not inciting violence by continuing to attack people who don't want us controlling them any more than the police are inciting violence by continuing to enforce laws upon people who don't want those laws enforced upon them. If that logic held true, we could reduce crime in the worst neighborhoods simply by removing police from those communities. Leave 'em alone, and they'll all go back to their peaceful lives, just like before the cops came in.

And the notion that our leaders are too stupid or dense to understand why the numbers of insurgents keeps increasing is also missing the point. It doesn't really matter whether there's more insurgents or less insurgents, just as it doesn't matter whether there's more criminals or less criminals. The goal isn't really to eradicate the criminals/terrorists/insurgents, but to get them to STOP KILLING PEOPLE. And if YOU saw somebody kill another person, would you say to yourself, "Leave him alone and he'll probably just stop killing."?

Really, what it boils down to is Americans who have such shame in themselves and their country because they truly believe America is, has been, and always will be responsible for the ills of the world. People who are forever looking for the root cause of the root cause of the root cause of the root cause while ignoring basic laws of humanity: There are some Bad, BAD, BAD people out there who kill because they can. And they've been killing for alot longer than our piddlyshit country has been in existence. And even after we're gone, they'll continue to kill because that's what their God tells them to do to infidels. Ya can't reason with that any more than you could reason with Charles Manson or Ted Kaczynski. But I'm sure that won't stop these sad, sorry multiculturalists from trying to figure out what WE did wrong to make Manson kill Sharon Tate...

Stuck Trucker

Hey, how's about we just drop your new house off at the curb...?

Shag Town

Went to a private party at the Falls Grille in Chagrin Falls (formerly Chag Town).


Chef Joseph, one of the co-owners (he's the silent one).


Chef Tim O. He's the much less than silent one...


Exhausted waitress/bar girl on the right, Lee - the resident wino on the left.


And the band played on.

I'm Lovin' It !!!!!

It's time for a quick economics lesson.

One of the first things you learn about the law of supply and demand is that things are usually worth exactly what you pay for them. In order that we might sell those things, we attempt to add value through promotion, manipulation of perspective, and deception.

So we get a nice article in the PD this week about the arrival of the vaunted Napa Creek wines, affectionately referred to by Trader Joe's aficianados as Four Buck Fred - the Evil Big Brother of the vaunted Two Buck Chuck...

Of course, here in Ohio they'll sell for about $6 and the drones who populate the whitebread suburbs of northern Ohio will flock to TJ's to pick this stuff up much like Jews flock to Mogen David during Passover. The general attitude of these mindless wine zombies is that they're getting some kind of super-extra good deal simply because the wine is being sold by Trader Joe's. As these fools pull forth into the TJ's parking lot in their Mercedes' and Lexus' with zombie-arms outstretched, they chant the praises of this great quality wine at unbelievably low prices.

Let's debunk this misconception point-by-point.

1. Why would any consumer pay $3.50 for a wine that has the phrase Two Buck in the name? The wine may be worth every penny of two bucks, but you're suspending reality if you overlook the fact that you're being ripped off right to your face (and that's just TJ's I'm talking about, the taxes are another thing).

2. If the stuff really tasted like a $10 wine - I mean a GOOD $10 wine - they'd try and get ten bucks for it. As a corporation whose foremost purpose is to earn maximum profit, it is unlikely that TJ's is defying the principles of capitalism by voluntarily giving you a deal. The scenario is that TJ's is paying pennies per bottle and is thusly able to maximize margin while convincing you that you're getting something for nothing.

3. For all the Two Buck Chuck Loyalists out there: What are you thinking? Surely, when it comes to wine, you have gladly sacrificed quality for a deal. Yet many of you TJ's shoppers drive luxury cars and have million dollar homes and college educations. You'd be offended if I told you Cleveland State was as good as Dartmouth, but just cost alot less. You'd scoff if I suggested you trade your Mercedes for a Cavalier.

My God! I've just identified the essence of the Crapass Two Buck Chuck Fuck: You drink Silver Oak when the friends are over, and guzzle HOMOGENOUS GARBAGE when nobody's looking.

Would you REALLY get shoes at PayLess Shoe Source and then rave about the quality and pat yourself on the back for being a savvy shopper? (thanks BG)

Quoted below is the nice Plain Dealer article that tells you where to get your fix, moron:

Eastward flow!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Amanda Garrett
Plain Dealer Reporter

Feel that gentle reverberation? It's the latest buzz approaching from the West.

Two-buck Chuck - the darling of dollar-wise wine drinkers, the bane of sommeliers - has a cousin.
Its label reads Napa Creek, but some folks are already calling it Four-buck Fred - Four bucks because that's how much it costs in its home state of California, and Fred because vintner Fred Franzia is pushing it to market through Trader Joe's stores.

Of course, it will cost more than $4 in Ohio - more than in any other state because of Ohio's mandatory markups benefiting wine distributors and retailers.
But even at $6.29, it's a bargain.

Many Napa Valley wines, which must contain 85 percent grapes from that Northern California region, sell for five and six times that.
So how does Franzia do it? He's cashing in on an anti-trend, of sorts. Too many vintners, entrepreneurs and half- baked artisans tried to ride the wave of the California wine craze. Now there are too many vines, too many grapes.

Franzia is buying up the excess and churning out batches of cheap, wildly popular wine. How many bottles he sells is unclear. Trader Joe's, the exclusive distributor, declines to say.

But the Trader Joe's in Woodmere sometimes runs out of Two-buck Chuck because people from as far away as Pittsburgh buy out the inventory, said Audrey Dumper, a spokeswoman for Trader Joe's. (Two-buck Chuck sells in California for $1.99. It's $3.39 here.)
Napa Creek - merlot and chardonnay - should arrive at Ohio Trader Joe's locations in coming weeks.
If you want to try it, buy it early on, Dumper said.
"It seems this wine has a buzz going on around it, not fueled by us," Dumber said.

So the REAL question you should ask:

Is the last name of the spokesgirl for Trader Joe's Dumper or Dumber??

Am I the only one who thinks these last names are fitting?

Americans are Pigs; All Praise Allah

So the only question I have is when we will find out the details of his demented plan? Since most of the wacked out blog kidz out there are already convinced GWB knew about this London train/bus bombing thing, the only question left is who were George Bush's accomplices and how did he manage to plant those bombs and still make it to the G8 Summit?

Since we have the lunatic fringe calling for the prosecution of the Prez and our troops as war criminals, wouldn't the next logical step be to seek out the leaders of the Terrorist Party and invite them to a summit so we can negotiate to give these innocents a homeland and voting rights? These downtrodden and thoroughly tortured uindividuals deserve no less than food stamps and college tuition paid for with the tax dollars of us, the War Criminal Nation.

But what about the decapitation of kidnapped foreigners in Iraq and Afghanistan, you ask?

Small beans when compared to the cruel stress positions those poor souls at Guantanamo had to endure.

And how to counter train bombings in London and Madrid?

Imprison those being bombed (they're all from war criminal countries anyway) to make more room for the schools we'll build to bring radical Islam into the twenty-first century. Free governments could start intensive Radical Imam training and soon after the standardized Islam testing can begin. Once enough American troops are imprisoned, we could enact the No Suicide Bomber Left Behind law. And thusly we could assure that every young child could be safely indoctrinated with pure hatred for America and all the warmongering white males that populate this land. That would fit right in with the current leftist ideology in America because isn't that what most False Liberals are teching their own children?

Just as white America is responsible for the inability of black people to progress (since it is the white man who keeps the brothers down) so is white America responsible for bombings in London, and plane crashes in New York, and poverty in Africa, and AIDS, and destruction in Iraq, and little terrorist children in Syria, and global warming, and tornadoes and floods and avian flu and SARS.

In fact, until we as Evil Warmongering Imperialist Capitalist Gluttonous American Pigs realize we are the truest evil and voluntarily destroy our own country, nobody else on the planet may ever know peace or prosperity.

So I'll be the first to suggest that we all voulntarily go down to our local penitentiary and turn ourselves in and hand the keys over to the poor radical Imams and peace loving socialists. After all, they only want peace and we've kept them from it for far too long.

And hopefully they can prosecute GWB because he KNEW about the train bombs.
In fact, he planned them...
...Right after he got finished planning 9/11...