Question Authority=LibertyQuestion History=Prison

Boy, oh boy...Gotta hand it to our freedom-loving Austrian friends.

Yesterday, an Austrian court convicted British author David Irving to three years in the klink for denying the holocaust in speech and in print. Just knowing this subversive and dangerous criminal will be behind bars for three years should make all Jews feel that much safer. But if you think that's bad, wait 'til you hear these criminal horror stories...

Morgan Spurlock (that's the guy from Super Size Me, yeah...) will be going on trial soon in France next month for his defamatory statements of French food and culture. It seems in one of his books he referred to a baguette as a "...Long breadstick..." and has violated French laws concerning Defamation of Pastries and Baked Goods.

In San Francisco and Portland, OR, city councils are trying to pass laws making it illegal to deny the Theory of Human-Caused Global Warming. A first-time denier would be sentenced to scrubbing smog residue off city vehicles with a toothbrush. Repeat offenders would be required to wear a mask and breathe pure ozone for one week. Those offenders considered too vile to rehabilitate would buried alive to become one with the Earth - a process smugly coined 'EarthBortion'...

In Los Angeles, there's been a law in effect since about 1982 which makes it a crime to deny that Edward Van Halen is, indeed, the finest guitar player on the planet. The only punishment option for these Deniers of Guitar-Godness is to be pummelled senseless by a crowd of mulleted, leather-jacket-with-arm-fringes-wearin', Jordache skin-tight-jeans-clad, Trans-Am drivin', floppy-tongued-Reebok-high-tops-shod metalheads. Aw, Caught In A Mosh...

And lastly, right here in Cleveburg: Don't even THINK about denyin' LeBron James status as the KING! The CHOSEN ONE!! GOD'S GIFT TO BASKETBALL!!!
His mom might just run yo' ass over with her Gold-Plated Hummer...

So I say let's all heave a hefty mug of bitter beer to our more enlightened counterparts from the urbane and genteel country of Austria. Once again defining true liberty for us downtrod , muzzled Americans forced to genuflect at the odious altar of George the Bo-Nevolent.

And really, what has Austria given to the world in the last 200+ years?

• Austria-Hungary. When they took over Hungary, they didn't want to come up with a new name like Austrungria or Haustria. They just jammed a fuckin' hyphen in there.
• Hitler. Sweet, sweet Hitler...
  
• The song Edelweiss.
• Champion winter olympians with odd names containing lots of consonants and not enough vowels...(see Hackl, Krankl, Goetschl, Schiegl, Strobl et al...).

So let's give it up for Austria, where they stand behind their Free?press and cannot, COULD NOT, WILL NOT consider an apology for publishing some crazy Mohammed cartoons. But they still toss some old dude in the can for questioning history.

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd?

Hood Shoots Faggy Shine, Says Streets Safer For Straight Kids

Almost time to pack yer bags and get out of town, my homeslice. I suppose I knew this was comin' along sooner or later. One of our fine State Representatives, Ron Hood, has proposed a bill to ban homosexuals and he/she's from adopting children.

Now those of you who know me should know I'm not a pseudo-liberal whiny ass who goes around complainin' about The Goddamn Governor This.... and F'In George W That...., but Mr. Hood (as in the thing you wear on your head while you go out lynchin' the coloreds...) has most clearly been brainwashed by Ohio's Own Radical Christian-Style AlQuaida, the Pro-Family Network.

For all my whiny hater friends, I'll just make it clear, first and foremost, that the Bush Administration is really responsible for all this... But back to the point.

So last fall we had the majority of our fellow OhiBamaSsissippians vote to define marriage in such a way that only one dude and one chick may tie the noose legally. Although I personally voted against the measure, it passed with flying colors and is now law. Good openinig move, Senator Gay-O-Phobe.

But does me see a progression here? A second parry? Aye, indeed. (That's YEP to all you guys from Zanesville and Peebles and Wauseon and Asheville and BigotTown and LynchAFag Grove...).

So secondly comes Mr. Hood with the Anti-Gay Adoption Bill. And certainly, I won't even waste more than one sentence commenting on how FREEKING STOOOPID the whole bill really is, so there.

But I see it coming down the proverbial PIPE (the PIPE being I-71 between Cincy and Cleveburg). If we can first ban gays from getting married, and secondly ban gays from adopting children, thirdly will come the bill aimed at banning gays from having any contact whatsoever with children. Follow this Family-Style Victory with step four, whereby police may detain any suspected homosexuals without cause, and finally step five where suspected gays may be SHOT ON SIGHT by the brave and concerned citizens of OhiBamaSsissippi.

So take a look at the scary Pro-Family Network website (check out the screwy multicultural family in the left-hand corner) and think about the last time a President was elected from Ohio. As evil as one might think our Federales might be, it's clear to me we have much more to worry about when we unleash the brain-drained power of our own Ohio citizenry...

Red Scare

Once I came to the conclusion that blogging incessantly was basically masturbation, I needed to shut down for awhile. So sorry for no January posts because I was busy trying to do things more and think about things less. Or, more accurately, write less about the things I was thinking about more.

But what of the world of insolents and indigents screaming about a falling sky, says I? What of the tortured Middle-Easterners and nuclear Pro-Lifer-Haters? Muhammad-esque cartoonage causing Danish flag burning, fickle press peoples pressing for Free-Dumb, and our newfound CheVez of the Southern Hemisphere warning of an invasion by our over-under-funded Military Industrial Complex. He must think his oil don't stink...

What to make of warrantless spying and backpack bombings? Scooter on trial and both sides of the aisle shouting in denial? Got some snaps of Abramoff passing bags of cash to YOUR local Indian racetrack betting parlor? Alito and wifey all muddied up because he's gotta be Darth Mutherfucking Maul, RIGHT...?

Can we make a resolution to resolve to talk more about negotiating a truthless truce with Osambo Bin Abenimijahamalbadinjad or whoeverthefuck that Mr. Iran guy is? At least he's got some resolve to his resolutions. And if he doesn't watch his radical Islamo-Lookin' Like Pat Robertson-Fascist-Ass Self, somebody might threaten to talk about resolving to issue a stern warning, followed by a second sterner warning, then possible referral to a council of Smarty Pantses who are the absolute BEST at talking about warnings!!

Fighting, fighting everywhere. We're either with us or against us.

Are you Pro-Life or Anti-George? Do you support our troops or are you against Alaskan oil fields? Pro-Choice or pregnant in the kitchen? Gun Control or Crystal Cathedral? Gay Marriage or Abu Ghraib? Free for everyone, everyone free, or everyone for themselves? 401K contributions or 700 Club donations? Does YOUR car run or geothermal-bio-corn-wheatgrass-solar milkshakes, or are YOU a planet-smasher? Do Ted Kennedy, Cindy Sheehan, Rush Limbaugh, and Ted Nugent swim in YOUR main-stream?

Scream louder, please. Sharpen that finger for super-intense pointing sessions. Get rid of that old coal stove in your shanty 'cuz my new rhetoric-burning stove stays way hotter way longer.

Have you ever seen OZ? I mean that great prison show formerly on HBO, silly... not Detroit. They called the young gay sexslut boys in prison PRAGS. I think PRAG was an insult meant to reference the term PRAGMATIC. Why? Well it seems that there are fewer and fewer pragmatic peoples out there in our www.world.net because, apparently, YOU'RE A FLIPPIN' SISSY ASS FAGBOY/GIRL/TRANSGENDERED CITIZEN if you can't pick a side of the line and stomp your feet and throw insinuations at the fucks on the other side.

All these things do I ponder daily almost as much as the brain cells I do squander daily. And seeing as masturbation - on the occasional occasion - can be fun (and even somebody might look in rarely) I shall once again slather on the greezy grease to spew load after load of sometimes thoughtful prag sissyboy shit because, really, I can't find the line - MY line; and when I find MY line I'm turnin' it into a circle.

And you're either IN my circle, or you're OUT of my circle.
Or you're ON my circle.

And trust me, Gold Circle was GREAT place to shop...