I'm Lovin' It !!!!!

It's time for a quick economics lesson.

One of the first things you learn about the law of supply and demand is that things are usually worth exactly what you pay for them. In order that we might sell those things, we attempt to add value through promotion, manipulation of perspective, and deception.

So we get a nice article in the PD this week about the arrival of the vaunted Napa Creek wines, affectionately referred to by Trader Joe's aficianados as Four Buck Fred - the Evil Big Brother of the vaunted Two Buck Chuck...

Of course, here in Ohio they'll sell for about $6 and the drones who populate the whitebread suburbs of northern Ohio will flock to TJ's to pick this stuff up much like Jews flock to Mogen David during Passover. The general attitude of these mindless wine zombies is that they're getting some kind of super-extra good deal simply because the wine is being sold by Trader Joe's. As these fools pull forth into the TJ's parking lot in their Mercedes' and Lexus' with zombie-arms outstretched, they chant the praises of this great quality wine at unbelievably low prices.

Let's debunk this misconception point-by-point.

1. Why would any consumer pay $3.50 for a wine that has the phrase Two Buck in the name? The wine may be worth every penny of two bucks, but you're suspending reality if you overlook the fact that you're being ripped off right to your face (and that's just TJ's I'm talking about, the taxes are another thing).

2. If the stuff really tasted like a $10 wine - I mean a GOOD $10 wine - they'd try and get ten bucks for it. As a corporation whose foremost purpose is to earn maximum profit, it is unlikely that TJ's is defying the principles of capitalism by voluntarily giving you a deal. The scenario is that TJ's is paying pennies per bottle and is thusly able to maximize margin while convincing you that you're getting something for nothing.

3. For all the Two Buck Chuck Loyalists out there: What are you thinking? Surely, when it comes to wine, you have gladly sacrificed quality for a deal. Yet many of you TJ's shoppers drive luxury cars and have million dollar homes and college educations. You'd be offended if I told you Cleveland State was as good as Dartmouth, but just cost alot less. You'd scoff if I suggested you trade your Mercedes for a Cavalier.

My God! I've just identified the essence of the Crapass Two Buck Chuck Fuck: You drink Silver Oak when the friends are over, and guzzle HOMOGENOUS GARBAGE when nobody's looking.

Would you REALLY get shoes at PayLess Shoe Source and then rave about the quality and pat yourself on the back for being a savvy shopper? (thanks BG)

Quoted below is the nice Plain Dealer article that tells you where to get your fix, moron:

Eastward flow!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Amanda Garrett
Plain Dealer Reporter

Feel that gentle reverberation? It's the latest buzz approaching from the West.

Two-buck Chuck - the darling of dollar-wise wine drinkers, the bane of sommeliers - has a cousin.
Its label reads Napa Creek, but some folks are already calling it Four-buck Fred - Four bucks because that's how much it costs in its home state of California, and Fred because vintner Fred Franzia is pushing it to market through Trader Joe's stores.

Of course, it will cost more than $4 in Ohio - more than in any other state because of Ohio's mandatory markups benefiting wine distributors and retailers.
But even at $6.29, it's a bargain.

Many Napa Valley wines, which must contain 85 percent grapes from that Northern California region, sell for five and six times that.
So how does Franzia do it? He's cashing in on an anti-trend, of sorts. Too many vintners, entrepreneurs and half- baked artisans tried to ride the wave of the California wine craze. Now there are too many vines, too many grapes.

Franzia is buying up the excess and churning out batches of cheap, wildly popular wine. How many bottles he sells is unclear. Trader Joe's, the exclusive distributor, declines to say.

But the Trader Joe's in Woodmere sometimes runs out of Two-buck Chuck because people from as far away as Pittsburgh buy out the inventory, said Audrey Dumper, a spokeswoman for Trader Joe's. (Two-buck Chuck sells in California for $1.99. It's $3.39 here.)
Napa Creek - merlot and chardonnay - should arrive at Ohio Trader Joe's locations in coming weeks.
If you want to try it, buy it early on, Dumper said.
"It seems this wine has a buzz going on around it, not fueled by us," Dumber said.

So the REAL question you should ask:

Is the last name of the spokesgirl for Trader Joe's Dumper or Dumber??

Am I the only one who thinks these last names are fitting?