I Voted For Boba Fett in '04

All the Star Wars propaganda filthing up the airwaves has made me realize: Our government is really just part of an extended Star Wars saga. It's simple. We currently have the Empire residing in their Death Star working on the continuing plot to control the planet, while the wily Rebels continue their dodgy attack from Naboo.
In honor of all this Star Wars crap, I've basically re-expressed our current leaders as Lucasfilm characters.

The Evil Empire
George W. Bush, of course, is Darth Vader. Young and powerful with the tools to do good, he has darkness coursing through his veins. Much like Anakin Skywalker, he may have been good once, but those around him who were more powerful have turned him to the Dark Side.

Evil Sith Darth Maul is played expertly by Dick Cheney. A weapon whose sole purpose is destruction of Jedi, he was forged of the hateful energies of the Dark Side to be loyal to only one master - Darth Sidious (the Emperor).

Darth Sidious (the Emperor) is Ronald Reagan. Plain and simple.According to the Rebels, all evil in the solar system began with the Emperor...

Ted Kennedy. Jabba the Hut.

And all the super-psycho born again self-righteous haters can be Stormtroopers.

The Rebels & The Jedi
Jonh McCain is Han Solo and Howard Dean is Chewbacca. Han pretty much does what he wants and ain't loyal to nobody, baby. He's a maverick with a death wish. His faithful wookie just looks hairy and makes that plaintive growl/cry...

Jon Kerry is the spittin' image of Luke Skywalker. All young and fiery with limited common sense, but tons of great loopy ideas. It's gonna take Han Solo to keep Luke under control.

Lando Calrissian is Barack Obama. That's because Billy Dee Williams was cool and black. And Barack Obama is also a cool brother.

Senator Robert Byrd is the United States' very own Yoda. He's nearly indecipherable and he's always talking in tongues about things that happened hundreds of years ago.

How about Al Gore as Obi Wan Kenobi. Once upon a time, he actually mattered and fought for things that mattered. Now he's just old Ben Kenobi who lives in a cave in Jawa country.

Dennis Kucinich. Jar Jar Binks. Completely nosensical jibberish.

And Nancy Pelosi can be our Princess Leia. She sure can sass off alot and probably ought to be slapped. Or better yet, sedated by that little flying needle/syringe thingy...


See how easy it is? All this fighting amongst our politicians. It's nothing George Lucas didn't already write into a script. The Rebels never learn, though, that ya can't fight the Death Star with a bunch of bitchy commies based on the outskirts of the Dagoba star system.

And sincerest apologies. I couldn't find a place in the Star Wars galaxy for Hilary. I guess Lucas didn't write enough roles for lying cunts into his scripts.